Dear Ruth,

Dear Me,

I am writing to you today on your graduation day to offer you some advice – Don’t make the same mistakes that I have!!

Be authentic – don’t hide behind who you think you should be, it won’t do you any favours. Take the career choices that you want, not what you think is the right thing to do. Take risks, they will pay off and you will only regret not doing them in the future, take every opportunity that is presented to you.

Travelling to Nepal and Indonesia solo were 2 of the best trips that I ever did, don’t be afraid of doing something different and standing up for those and what you believe in even if it goes against the grain. I found it easier to stand up for others than for myself, I could fight their battles, not my own. Fight for others, do the right thing, believe in yourself and what you are fighting for. If you get the support, you can, stand up for yourself too. I was never good at this as I was scared to be truly me.

Spend time with those who love you – especially your grandma, she is more perceptive than you expect and wants you to be happy. 

I was scared to be my authentic self until I was 30 and that impacted my career. I lost my job when I came out. Don’t take that risk. 

Be who you are from the beginning, if your work doesn’t embrace that, there will be a place for you in the world where you are safe and able to complete the work you want to do. Look after each other and support your queer family, if I had been braver and had more support from this family I would have been stronger and more able to do the work that I trained for and loved as opposed to falling into a job to pay the bills.

Having said that and despite the trauma I experienced, if I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have met my amazing wife. We have been together 16 years now, so I know I am lucky to have something so positive out of such a negative experience that left me broken at the time.

I am now in a job I love, I can support my queer family, advocating for them and for women’s rights too. I still need to learn to stand up for myself better, I find it easier to advocate for others, I think this is part of my nature.

Spend time with positive people if you get the choice, if not, work with them the best you can and don’t let them drag you down. The only person who can affect how you feel is you, as you give others permission to do this. Learn from every experience and take what you can from it, not everything will be rosy but know that you’ve got this. 

Above all, be kind to yourself, you will get there in the end.

Ruth (age 45) xx