Dear Steve,

Happy (second) graduation day,

At this point in time you’ve spent almost 4 years experimenting with and hiding who you are, however, the extra year you decided to spend in Durham studying your Masters has given you the time you desperately needed and deserved to build confidence in being more open and honest about who you really are.   

Today is a day for celebrating, however, I know that you feel a little stuck in life right now. You’ve been living back at home in Cumbria since leaving Durham last year, working your old uni job stacking shelves, saving hard for your big move to London where you’re going to start your first career as a trainee teacher. The next six months will fly by and you’re going to have some amazing adventures further exploring who you are.

Amongst the memories you are going to cherish this year is your first Pride, in London, which will be overwhelming as you make the huge shift from being ‘the only gay in the village’ to one of tens of thousands. Lean into the moment and don’t forget to appreciate how far you have come. You’re finally going to feel like you are part of a community, and this will be really important to you from this point forward.

Without being too specific, living in a city as big as London is going to open lots of doors for you but there are still going to be times when living the double life that you have led whilst studying will serve you well. Push through these, and pay attention to the lessons that you learn about yourself whilst teaching - they are going to form the foundations and drive for the work that you do opening doors for young LGBTQ+ people later in life. They are also going to help you to stop worrying about what those closest to you will think if they knew ‘the truth’.

Don’t worry, the doors that open will far outweigh those that still feel closed to you. By the time you leave the classroom, you’re going to feel able to openly live and love in the way that you’ve always wanted. There will still be lots of bumps in the road beyond that moment but the resilience and grit you’ve developed will help you navigate through all of them, eventually. At times there will be regrets - some big ones. I encourage you to reframe these and see them as chapters that will help to build character and shape the proud man who is writing this letter to you today. 

With love, compassion and kindness

Steve (age 42)