Dear Colin,

It’s the start of your first real step into this next chapter. You’re meant to feel excited, but instead you feel tense, guarded, and already behind. You’re watching everyone else form friendships with ease while you’re busy trying not to be noticed. You’re carrying a fear you don’t yet have words for, but it’s shaping everything.

I need you to know this first: you are not failing. You are frightened. And those two things are not the same.

Right now, you believe that if people really saw you, things would fall apart. So, you keep your distance. You assume criticism before it’s spoken. You feel attacked where no attack exists. That fear will make these early experiences harder than they need to be - and yes, it will lead you to walk away from things before you feel ready. But that isn’t the end of your story.

You don’t yet understand how much of this comes from not being able to accept who you are. From growing up without visible proof that being gay can lead to a happy, successful, grounded life. You think you’re alone in this. You’re not.

Here’s the abridged version of where you end up: you find your confidence. Slowly, and not without setbacks, but you find it. With more life experience behind you, and more compassion for yourself, you begin to trust your instincts. You learn that you don’t have to earn your place by shrinking yourself. You build a career you’re proud of. You become a leader. And one day, you stand openly and comfortably as a gay man - not despite your experiences but shaped by them.

There will be moments when imposter syndrome tells you that you don’t belong, that you’re only ever one mistake away from being found out. Don’t listen to it. That voice is loud, but it isn’t truthful. You belong in the rooms you walk into - even when you feel like the odd one out.

Look out for the people who see you, not the version of you that’s trying to hide. Spend time with those who make you feel calmer, not smaller. There will also be people who make life harder - sometimes without meaning to. Learn, when you can, not to let them define your worth.

The best advice I can give you is this: be patient. Take care of yourself. You don’t need to have everything figured out right now. Much of the pressure you feel is pressure you’ve placed on yourself, driven by fear of reactions that never fully arrive.

One day, you will do the work you wish someone had done for you. You will help create spaces where people don’t have to second-guess who they are just to belong. You will be the visible role model you needed but couldn’t see.

Hold on. Find your people when you’re ready. And trust that becoming yourself is not something to fear – it’s the thing that will set you free.

With pride and compassion,

Colin 😊